disturbed

I have had a couple of disturbing discoveries in the last 24 hours or so.

The first was when I was trying to look up some financial information from Wal-Mart. I was at the "special" employee's only website. I noticed some random quote from Sam Walton. It occurred to me that everywhere in employee areas (including websites both with information for potential employees and current, and in break areas, and other "behind the scenes areas.") there are a bunch of quotes from Sam Walton. Uh, yeah, so the guy started Wal-Mart. But he's been dead for a while.
I just started getting this overwhelming feeling of Wal-Mart being a giant retail cult. Which makes me extrodinarily uncomfortable being there now.
Everything at Wal-Mart just suddenly got on my nerves today. the advertisements over the intercom system. The constant paging for so in so or an associate in such and such to call extention this that another number. The employee messages interwoven into the "Wal-Mart radio" ("Attention Associates! It's now time for a safety sweep. Please walk around your area and notice if there are any .... blah blah blah.") The beeping. All the registers beeping and the "Check to make sure the person is of the appropriate age" beeps, the "whoops, you might have made a mistake" beep. It really just got to me. started wearing in my spine. and my head. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I want to look for another job, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to find anything that offers the pay and hours that WM is offering.

Another realization I had was during one of my breaks. I was sitting knitting (what I do most of my breaks... I finished a whole fish from casting on to the last row before binding off throughout my breaks today) and one person asked me what I was making (usually i get at least one person asking a day) and then another girl said "I haven't seen someone do that since my mom used to do it. It's weird to see a young person doing it." She never said "knitting." It was as if she didn't know what it was called. That disturbed me for some reason.

Not on the "disturbing" subject, but I got an email from the Cumberland County Playhouse yesterday. They have two openings. A costumer and a lighter. However, both positions are for resident people. Meaning, part of their compensation is housing. So, no go.

I'm so glad I have the day off tomorrow.
You know, one of the big quotes of "The Man" is that employees should look forward to coming to work. From what I hear in the break room and my own personal feelings, I do NOT look forward to going to work. the only thing that makes it worth it is a) there are way more breaks than I'm used to (except for Dollywood) and b) the pay. I need the money.
I do NOT ever want to shop at any Wal-Mart again though. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm at the point now where I really don't care that I haven't gotten my discount card yet (and I've been there for 3 weeks and they said it'd take about 3 weeks.) because I don't want to buy anything from them so it really doesn't matter.

I'm glad that rob had dinner waiting for me when i got home tonight. I seriously would have burst out in tears if he hadn't. I just feel so shitty.

ventalicious

I fucking hate being female. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me and if I try to get some time to my self because I know that Rob hates to see me cry then he flips out and ...
All of a sudden, I just needed to cry. It just welled up and I held it in as best I could and then as soon as we got home, I dropped the food off in the kitchen, took out the trash, grabbed the laptop and cord and went upstairs. I realized it wasn't fair to close myself in the bedroom since it's his room too, so I decided I'd gather my knitting supplies and go to the cat's room/spare bedroom and close myself up there. While in there I decided I would listen to MY music since I can't really remember the last time I got to listen to my music. Hell, I have his CD in my CD player in my car (which I know I can take out at any time, but I have enjoyed listening to it, it's just sometimes you want the stuff that's yours you know?)
Well, before too long (less time than I kind of expected, though I forgot to factor in the "I haven't eaten" part of it) the cat's trying to get in the room because she can't stand a closed door, especially if she knows there's a person in there, and Rob's trying to get me to answer him. I try to ignore it as long as I can (which is hard since I didn't have the music on yet 'cause I was looking for a CD and I was raised that if you're called for, you sure as hell better answer.) Finally I give some answer, I don't remember what it was... then it became apparent that he's just going to fucking sit there, so I open the door and the cat runs in. He offers to help me look for the CD I'm looking for. I decline. He asks if I want my food brought up. I decline. He asks the band's name. I tell him. He asks if I'm on IM, I answer. He goes and starts trying to find the CD on bittorrent.
Then of course he asks whats going on or if i could tell him. Of course since I don't really know myself I tell him no. Then he asks for me to describe it. I can't. FINALLY he offers to leave me alone.
So... I'm in the cat's room, with the cat, and the fucking door wide open with the laptop and CDs all around me as well as my knitting.

I had a stupid day and it's just continued to be stupid.

For some reason, I got it in my head that the cashier's meeting was at 7 AM, which admittedly seemed odd, but hell, I thought, might as well go half an hour early and get the fucking thing over with and then just work after that. Noooo. It was at fucking 7 PM which made a whole lot more sense. So I still have to go in a lot earlier than I am scheduled tomorrow so I can go to the fucking cashier's meeting and then come home for a couple hours only to go back at 6 or somethin like that and work.

I actually had a fairly good day at work. Nothing overly stupid. Except for me. But shit happens.

Came home, was giggly for a while, finally went upstairs and fell asleep only to be awakened after 7 (when I had thought about going ahead and going to the meeting at the appropriate time tonight, but that didn't happen). I don't remember exactly... we talked for a while and finally decided to go eat and just look at washers and dryers and put gas in his car.
So, we did. Gas jumped 10 cents in like 3 days, so he was kind of upset. Nothing I could fucking do about it though. Except that I'm constantly reminded that I was a naive person when the presidential elections came around so I voted like my parents instead of knowing better.
Then we went and looked at washers & dryers at Lowes. Still have to wait a while. It's OK. I knew we would.
Then he says "we can do dollar menu" as we drive towards McDonald's.
So, I start trying to think really fast whether there's anything on the dollar menu not fried since I've already been pushing it with my gall bladder the last couple days. When we finally get there I see there's a side salad so i decide I'll do that and then supplement at home. He realizes that I can't really eat much on the dollar menu so offers to let me get something else for my health's sake. I say it's fine. I'll just get a side salad. He keps pestering whether I'm sure that's enough. I say that's fine. He orders a grilled ranch chicken meal for me "large sized," and 3 double cheeseburgers for him and a large sweet tea.

I just feel sick, so when we get home I drop it off and go through what's listed above. I just feel like curling up and crying, or just knitting and working on the fucking fish.

Walmart... yeah again

Today I worked 4 - 11 PM. It was interesting. I slept all day in preparation. It wasn't bad actually. I'm definitely more alert in the later evening.

Weird guy in my line. Could tell he was trying to figure out how to pronounce my name. I told him. He said no way. I said that'd been my name for 22 years. He said no way. I said it was. He asked if I had ever learned how to spell it. I said I'd been spelling it that way my whole life. Then he slightly criticized my bagging. I had put everything but his milk, eggs and one other item (probably one of those evil chemical things) in one bag. He was impressed. Said "Did you get everything in that one bag?" (at first though I thought he was upset) Just as I was pulling off his other bags he said "Oh. I was going to say, usually they use 15 bags and I was going to tell you you'd done a real good job. But I guess you still have to learn." or something to that effect. GAH!

Then there was the guy who told me I should never let on that I'm not entierly positive on how to do something. This was after I'd had to deal with a woman's price match infront of him.

Oh, and whoever had my register before me didn't take their "strays" to the customer service desk so I was left with a bin full of strays at the beginning of my shift so I had barely any room for anything I had. It was annoying.

And people asking for my help with the self checks or to exchange bills because the machine wouldn't take it and stuff. Well the problem is that a) I have a line full of people that I'm trying to handle and there is someone who's in charge of the self checks. It isn't my fault if they're helping someone else or if they wandered off because they were bored. and b)that the registers at Wal-Mart you have to get a CSM approval to open the drawer if you haven't had a cash, check or "cash back" debit transaction. At Food Lion, sure, no problem. I'll open the drawer to make change. Wal-Mart, nope.

My least favorite CSM was working today too. She's just kind of clueless which doesn't make me feel comfortable at all. And she allows stuff that I don't think she should be allowing. Like some of my price overrides I wasn't sure if we could do it or not, and she'd override it so then I'd just continue to go ahead and do it since "Kay told me I could."
OHHH Argh! yeah. I had a cake that didn't have a price on it at all. It was one that the bakery had written on too. I called probably 5 times for someone from the bakery to call for a price check. They NEVER responded. I had a line too. I was on the grocery side so it's really busy on that side. When I saw they weren't going to respond I flipped my light switch to call for a CSM (and continued to page for the bakery to call) and finally Kay came over and I explained the situation. "I have a cake here that doesn't have a price on it at all. I've looked all over." "Did you look on the bottom?" "*sighs* Yes. I already checked." So she goes off and just grabs a cake. Not the same kind of cake in the least. Not the same kind of icing, not the same kind of cake, nothing, and scans it and just goes on with it. Maybe they've got similar pricing. I don't know, but it frustrated me.
The other day I called several times for someone from the frozen department to come get a COLD ITEM PICK UP at the register. and the person I was relieving had called as well. They never showed up. I asked the CSM what to do about it when I was going back to my regular register and they said to drop my till off in my register and then just take it back myself. Happened another time as well today I think it was. I had a meat item that we couldn't price match and no one from the meat dept would come pick it up. So I just took the damn thing with me when I went on break. Oh yeah, and that break was late because I had to rely on Kay to come fix some customer issues.

I think another reason why Kay and I don't really get along is because early on, (hah, early on. I've only run a register by myself for 2 days, and run a register at all for maybe 4 or 5 days... I can't remember now) I didn't entierly know how the change thing worked so I would ask for small amounts (like $20 worth of 5's or something) and she'd say "It's an awfully long walk for just four 5's." Well excuse me. You shouldn't have taken the fucking job.

Nate is wonderful. Mel is good. Meredith is good. Whitney's fine. Lee's fine. and those are all that I can think of that I've worked with... Well there's the old lady that was there tonight when I left but I haven't been around her enough to really know. But she eagerly gave me my discount even though I don't have my card yet. But I just don't like Kay. *shrugs*

Anyway, Rob's ready to go to bed so I guess I'd better get going as well.

The latest in the Wal-Mart and undrugged saga

Today was my first day on a register all by myself. Woohoo! A full 9 hour day by myself! I was only scanning 400 iph, but my hand scanner wasn't working all day which drove me insane. So that's what slowed me down a lot. I would be waving the fucking hand scanner over the barcode and then finally would have to hand key in the UPC. I think I did fairly well.

Then I get home and Rob had dinner all ready for me. Breakfast for dinner. Sausage gravy and buscits and scrambled eggs. It was SO GOOD. I was starving when I got home anyway, but it was just an awesome dinner.

I'm insanely dizzy. Like I've been sitting here for a good 45 minutes or so and not really doing anything other than reading my internet stuff and I feel like I'm swaying and my head's swimming. My eyes hurt.

The lotion I bought last night that was supposed to be intensive healing has done an awesome job. My scuffed dry knuckles are almost all the way healed after an application shortly after getting home last night, another before bed, one at about 8 AM, and another when I got up at 11 to get ready for work.

We're going to Jeff City tomorrow after Rob gets off work. I might have a Food Lion check and Rob has a check at his mom's house and I'm going to get some things from my parents house (a blender and Rob's birthday present). I've considered taking Em's scarf to her, but I'd kind of like to show Norma and see what she thinks of it before I take it since it was my first real project.

I'm really anxious to dye my hair again.
I'm also anxious for something else but I can't talk about that right now.

My head hurts. and feels all swimmy. Driving home tonight was interesting. I forgot to turn my headlights on for a while. It wasn't until I glanced down to see how fast I was going or to see how much gas I had that I realized I didn't have my headlights on. I hope this all passes soon!!!

Wal-Mart

Well, I started at Wal-Mart today. Got all orientated and stuff. Got my namebadge. Got the first stage of my computer training finished. Found out I have to retire my eyebrow piercing because there is no fucking way after I take it out for 9 hours it'll allow me to put it back in. Sooo, *sighs*
I guess I just need to get over it because I'd been kind of concerned that it was growing out anyway.
Just makes me want to get my next ear piercing(s) done though.
And I guess it's worth it for the money.

I'm scared about working for such a big company. Dollywood was big too, but I've gone through so much training for Wal-Mart. I often catch myself thinking "The Wood" when I actually mean Wal-Mart.

I am looking forward to tobacco purchases only being from one register. I like the break room. I like the break requirements. I like that they post the schedule 3 weeks in advance. I like everything they offer (even if it takes a little while to get it.) But I'm still scared.

As for knitting, I found a pattern, started to follow it, decided I needed different yarn or longer needles to do it, so I made it about halfway and then folded it the opposite direction it called for and sewed up the sides and have been working on a strap. I'm pleased with it.

New Addiction - Knitting

I finished the scarf I was creating for my sister. I'm so proud of it. Yeah, you can easily see my screwups but it's so cool and I designed the pattern myself. I did a ribbed scarf (3, 2, 3, 2, ) with purple and white. I know the purple is acrylic but the white is what Norma gave me so I don't know what kind of yarn it is. Regardless, it's mega cute and I can't wait to give it to Emmie.

I got my next to last Food Lion check today.

Paid utilities, deposited check, bought ground turkey for Rob to make spaghetti tonight, went to Hobby Lobby and spent ~$11 on knitting stuff. My defence is that Rob has long told me that you should spend a little bit of every check just on yourself. Otherwise the making the money becomes more of a chore. So, I spent $11 on myself and I am content. I found a set of 11, 13, 15 acrylic needles for $1.35 in the clearance, got an "i" size crochet hook (to help pull through yarns and pick up dropped stiches etc.) in the clearance for $1.61 (also plastic), a big skeen of "Bernat "Soft Boucle"" black yarn for $1.79 in clearance, Red Heart "Super Saver" yarn was $1.99, so I got a "Multicolor" rainbow skeen of that. AND I really wanted a yarn needle to help with weaving in ends of yarn, so I got two blue plastic yarn needles for $1.26, and a set of "balene II" size 10 needles. I felt the need to have a size inbetween the 9 aluminum ones and the 11 acrylic. Overall, I think i did rather well.

I think... I want to try to make a purse. Yes, I know... Goes against what I've always said for myself ("If it doesn't fit in my pockets I don't need it.") But, since I'm wanting to start using cloth menstural pads, I figure I might want to have a purse when "that time" comes. And I'd feel better with having a purse I made myself, then buying one. I looked hard for a wool yarn so that I could felt it, but no such luck. So I may just have to line it. But that'll be fine.

Drama has been very needy/cuddly lately. I guess cats just go through phases, but she has been climbing all over Rob and me and curling up in our laps and arms and stuff. Last night instead of curling up behind my knees she curled up against my back. And when i came home just a few minutes ago she started licking on my feet and climbing over me and around my shoulders.

tomorrow I start at Wal-Mart. A little nervous, but mostly just ready to get things started. Besides, I need to start making money so we can get washer/dryer so I can start getting my cloth pads! *laughs* When I get on a kick, it's hard to get me off of it. As is evident by a) my still being with Rob, b) Drama, c) the knitting paraphanalia (sp?) all around me...

OK. I'm going to look for a good purse pattern. This is something I don't want to just make up on my own... for the most part. ;-)

Incredible

My husband is... incredible. Yes.

Yesterday, Rob fixed dinner (as usual, especially when i work laterish). But he didn't tell me what he was making. He just surprised me with it. But, the bigger surprise was that he was making brownies as well. BUT, since I had been making waffles so the waffle iron was still out on the counter, he started eyeing the brownie batter and the waffle iron and decided to combine the two. Oh My Gosh. DELICIOUS! We went to the store to get milk, bread and muffin mix and while we were out we got cool whip to put on the brownie waffles. *melts* I got so full I couldn't finish all of it, so I put the rest in the fridge and... just finished it. SO GOOD.

Besdies all of that last night... This morning he decided to make me breakfast in bed. He made me two eggs in a basket
And coffee.

He's so good to me.